This time it is all about the 3D match engine, which is supposed to present physical attributes of players more accurately.

How many times did you have to play against older 6th Form schoolmates, and how many times it meant one thing for you and your team – a miserable defeat and an argument with mates about who was to blame. Some of you could not even be bothered to wait it out till the final whistle and went off the pitch after 40 mins or so. However, from time to time you could get lucky, score that one vital golden goal and let the big lads, often a few years older than you, taste the defeat themselves.

When that happened, you became the talk of the town for a long time afterwards, much like Anorthosis or BATE after they qualified for the Champions League groups stage.

Now, it turns out that FM 2009 – dubbed 'the least bugged FM of all series – includes, in fact, at least one, quite significant bug.


Isn't that hilarious? Superhumans are playing against poor primary school kiddos. Don't you think that these Roma players should go see their quack after the game to make sure they still are in one peace? The size of their shadows deserves a pitiful smile – it is identical to shadows generated by Inter players. You might think that Inter footballers, all of them somehow 255 cm tall and 255 kg (over 35 stone!) should simply massacre their rivals. But no -it is still 0-0...

Now, the pendulum can swing to the other extreme, too. Your players height can be as little as 2 or 3 inches. In that case the players are no taller than a blade of grass, and they are practically invisible to their opponents. Until they are trampled, that is. I wonder where do they get the strength to kick a ball that's 10x their size? They must have stolen some talent of Joe Calzaghe or something. It's almost like Space Jam. And, again, what about the shade? It's bigger than the player itself.
Now, I've got a 1 mln dollar question for you. How many shots on a goal guarded by a goalkeeper the size of a beetle result in a goal for the attacking team? I don't know, but it's only reasonable to suppose that every shot on goal = a goal scored.

Until now, weight an height where a nice add on to our game play, but now they have become something more than that: they now are the shape and size of players in a 3D view. For the moment, we are left in the dark as to how exactly these attributes might impact the match stats, but if they will do so substantially, then, unfortunately, the number of cheating players can increase.

Let us hope that SI find a way out of that self made maize. In the meantime all I can advise is: tell your players to drink more milk – it helps you grow big and strong.