I just love the smell of freshly cut grass, warmth of the sun and a gentle touch of the wind on my face. I was standing on the edge of the training ground. Somewhere in the corner Kaka was juggling the ball, Silva tested the goalkeeping skills of Buffon, in the distance David Villa was racing with Aguero - a young Argentine would not let his team mate be faster than him. I glanced at my watch – it was time for John Terry to appear on the pitch. Make no mistake about it – Eddie Tor had to become the best club manager in history, a legend alive, and a heartthrob of all women.
Yes, the FM Editor. You may ask: ‘But why use it?’ My answer is: just to see how it feels to be one of those editor maniacs. And today, after a very brief stint, I must admit it beats me: I still do not know what fun or enjoyment is there in trashing Chelsea 5:1, with Villa scoring a treble and the Londoners being finished off by C. Ronaldo and Matias Fernandez respectively. Well, there might be no fun nor enjoyment, but you do feel comfortable, and how comfortable at that! All you have to do is stretch out your legs, have some crisps and doughnuts at hand and just press the spacebar to the point of boredom. From time to time you might be tempted to lazily lift up your eyes towards the screen - so we are playing Arsenal? Ok, space, space, space, ask the assistant, during half time it’s the assistant again, and after the game we are praised for having won 3:0. But what is all that praise for? Astonishing intelligence and in depth knowledge of using an editing tool? Oh yes, I forgot – they are applauding me for outstanding management skills. The board are singing my praises, the supporters consider me to be a god*. But what kind of god is it? A lazy god, a comfy god. Because with a squad of such quality you don’t have to make any effort at all. Even training is pointless, as each player has overwhelmingly good stats already. We just win, win and win. And then we can be proud, lift our heads up and turn into a narcissus. Ladies and gentlemen, behold, I present to you a man who won the Treble with United. No, not Man United. Editor United.
Killer tactics? For some time there hasn’t existed anything like it. What we have now instead is killer squad. No matter who is injured – they will still have at least 4 great understudies. And those not so great may even get offended for being left out. After all we only play Boro twice in the season, so the likes of Fletcher and Gibson have no chance of playing regularly. Verdict: sale.
Financial Control? With 200 million in the bank it’s hardly a challenge. You don’t have to involve yourself in it, and come any problems you can always sell someone. Ok, so there are no problems, but there are personal likes and dislikes. Hard decisions, giving you a headache. If I have forwards like Pandev, Tevez, Rooney, Aguero and Villa, whom should I pick? Which one should be in a starting line up? Tevez is angry, he wants to play more often, but when he gets the chance he can’t make anything out of it; then we have Rooney, whose shots nearly damage the nets, Aguero with his lethal pace, Villa scoring heaps of goals in his first season and Pandev, who maybe doesn’t look like it but still can easily put the ball past the goal line. What about an attacking midfielder? Who should play? Matias Fernandez, who is a joy to behold, he passes, shoots, dribbles, and reaches new levels with each game? Or Kaka, who is a star, but has been largely disappointing? Or maybe one of the young guns? Maybe Rakitic, who is straining at the leash to play, or Buonanotte, making astonishing progress?
Now, the defence. In goal I have an unsurpassed Buffon, keeping out the balls that it is normally impossible to keep out and saving the shots that it is impossible to save. On the left there was an ever tireless Evra, but since Criscito joined the team choosing between them has been a tough nut to crack. In the centre Terry, Ferdinand and Vidic are available, the problem is I only really need two of them. On the right flank there will be unrivalled Alves, his position unassailable. And when we have assembled our dream team we can start the conquest of the world. An idyll, you might say. Yes, but it is an idyll that ruins all the fun – the fun inherent in tactical changes, nervousness during the match, uncertainty regarding the final score, looking up and analysing match stats and trying to figure out a remedy for your opponents’ tactics. All talks with journalists start getting less and less enjoyable – we can argue with other managers resting assured in the face of a fact that we are going to win that next match anyway. We can make enemies not thinking about consequences –after all, our supremacy will never be challenged. Complacency reaches its apogee – it’s our assistants, not us, that offer new contracts and plan friendlies. It’s our scouts that find new ‘jewels’ – with such squad depth they will spend the first 5 seasons in the reserves anyway. All that is left to us is just to make a meaningless substitution every now and then: ‘Ok, David, 4 goals is enough, lad. Let Rooney score some now.’
So, we don’t really play the game but we win nonetheless. Isn’t it a paradox? Is a manager without an editor like a footballer without legs? Is the FM only a canvas, while the editor is like oils used to paint on the canvas? It’s great that some of us prefer to use the crayons, then...

Translated by Sol